The beginning of the end: How do I get out?

The beginning of the end: How do I get out?

     We were in another screaming match. It was clearly a battle of who could scream the loudest. He knew how to get on my nerves. He picked up his cigarette stick and walked towards the door. As usual he was going to run. This was just so typical of him. “Dennis don’t you dare” I yelled as I lunged toward the door to block his path. I locked the door. I had grown so sick of his stale attitude, and on this particular night I was ready for a fight. As he began growling at me to unlock the door, I stood my ground and held on tight to the key. He was really underestimating me this night. Suddenly I was being flung on the bed. As my body dropped on the bed, I heard the key drop to the floor. He grabbed the key from where it had fallen and unlocked the door. I got up and chased after him screaming and howling curses on him. I just wanted him to hurt like I did. I hated him, at that point I truly hated him. Suddenly, something in me snapped and I began clawing and throwing punches at is chest while I was crying. I couldn’t understand how we had gotten to this point. He casually pushed me out of his way like I was some rodent interrupting him and walked out of the front door.

     He didn’t come back till 6am the next morning. This would eventually become a routine. One I was no longer interested in participating in. What a charade we became. I began to distance myself from him. I wanted him to hurt. A part of me hated him, I was sure. Whenever I looked at him disgust filled my heart. How do I get out?

     Over a week had passed since our big fight and we were still walking on eggshells around each other. The atmosphere seemed toxic, filled with tension and unspoken truths. We’d cuddle at night and return to strangers in the morning. This had to end.