The Fight: No love no war.

The Fight: No love no war.

     Sean and I had never fought. I don’t think we even really had disagreements. We were so alike it was bizarre. Even this one fight happened so calmly I didn’t even notice till we were mid-fight.

     On this unfortunate evening, Sean had come to visit me in my apartment. He had just come back from his trip to his home country Netherlands. On his third day back was when he decided to visit me.

     At first, everything seemed fine and we were chatting, then I noticed his banter wasn’t as lively as usual. He seemed calm but not in a happy way kind of calm. As he looked at me and smiled, I thought to myself how all I wanted to do was kiss him. I loved the way he smiled at me; like that smile was reserved just for me. But this evening his smile seemed tired. I stopped talking. I could hear his heavy breathing. He turned to me and said, “I’m getting married”. I blinked at him blankly like I hadn’t computed what he just said. I didn’t understand what he was saying. I asked, “What do you mean you’re getting married?” He looked at me with tired eyes, as if he was too weak to explain. "I mean I’m getting married”. The statement didn’t make sense and offered no explanation therefore I concluded it must be some sort of arranged marriage. He said it wasn’t. I couldn’t understand. The man I was in love with was telling me about his plans to get married to a girl I had never heard about. I was officially having a panic attack.

     Okay, this would be a good time to tell you I hadn’t told Sean I was in love with him. I suppose he had a general idea how much I cared for him but I had never actually admitted anything.

     Anyway, here I was freaking out and the poor guy had no idea why. I had to come clean. Well guys, big mistake. He did not take it well. I mean at most I thought he’d dismiss it but instead he went into a full-length babble on why he didn’t want that emotion between us. Talk about awkward right? He talked about how he cared about me a lot but this “love” wasn’t part of the plan. It hurt. He didn’t understand how I loved him. Maybe he did, and maybe he just didn’t care.

     Shortly after, he left without kissing me goodnight.