LUCID DREAMS | SLEEP PARALYSIS

Lucid dreams

     I find myself lying wide awake at night, how did I get here? Doubting myself again, wondering how & why… 

     You know those times when you’re awake but can’t move? Feels like you're watching life happen but you’re stuck unable to react to anything. Do you know what sleep paralysis is? Sleep paralysis is basically the inability to move or speak while falling asleep or upon waking up. Scary.

     It had been a couple weeks? Months? And I felt like I was lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming basically is when a person is able to control certain events in the dream state. Everything felt like a dream I was able to control. But here’s the thing, I wasn’t asleep and neither was I in control. In reality I was having a lucid nightmare.

     Mr. four seasons had concluded his year with winter. It was a wrap. How we had gotten here I was unsure. What could have possibly changed within a week? Had this been brewing for a while? If so he was a damn good actor. You’d think I’d have learnt by now, how to listen to my head and not my heart. What a joke. A part of me wanted to regress into my depression and just let the darkness take over. But this time I’m going to fight it. It is hard but it is possible.

     I lay awake at night, terrified of falling asleep, terrified of my dreams. Terrified I would see him. I didn’t want to see him. But he was everywhere, almost tormenting me. No one knows my torment. My confusion. And hurt.

I lay awake unable to move or speak.