The Dying Daisy

    The Dying Daisy.

     The daisy is said to symbolize innocence, peace and purity. Some say it also symbolizes true love. True love, a concept almost foreign to me now. I feel as though I’m wilting and I have no control over this new stage of life.

     I used to be so full of life, the cheerful girl, and silly and light. Nobody takes you serious when you’re always laughing… its no wonder no one noticed when the flower child began to wilt. I had found the perfect way to mask my pain. Laughter they say is the best distraction, well I was putting on a hell of a show. Each day I wilted just a little bit more, so I laughed just a little bit harder. After all, I was supposed to be the cheerful girl. But my light was slowly dimming.

     How do I stop acting when I’m so used to it now? Some say happiness is found within, is it really? Do we make our own happiness? If I tell myself enough times that I’m happy, will I believe it?

     I have decided what I want is peace. Peace in my relationships, peace in my work, peace within myself and peace in God. I think that is the key to happiness. Peace.

     How do you find peace if all you do is seek out unrest? Dating the wrong guy can bring so much unrest. Imagine being up all night because some guy hasn’t replied to your text. Talk about unrest. I seem to seek out or attract stress. Things had been going pretty smooth with this guy I had been seeing, no misunderstandings of any nature, just smooth sailing. Then I realized a weird pattern. We’ll call him “4 seasons” because he seemed to have several seasons to him. The spring season, where he seems needy and wants to spend every minute literally just being by my side, talking to me, opening up (he’s usually a brick wall), just being amazing. The summer season when he’s energetic and just full of life, happy to be around me and always wants to be around me. His fall season, which is his default because the brick wall is back, he’s happy but doesn’t say it, makes it clear when he’s unavailable or just doesn’t want to see me. His winter season, which we’re currently in, he becomes cold and distant, no calls or texts, nothing whatsoever, just cold turkey. Silence.

     For someone who wants peace this doesn’t sound like it does it? Winter is the worst season for daisies. The frost kills the vegetation, though the roots remain alive under the soil ready for the spring growing season. When spring comes around, it’ll bloom again.

Do I want to die every winter? Is the spring worth it?