Beautiful Twisted Chaos

CHAOS

My thoughts are swirling around like a dark thunderstorm. My mind is chaos that I try to still.

I’m tearing you asunder, breaking you down

Here’s a deal I’m making

Pour me your tears, I drown in your despair

Rolling acres and sandstorms become beautiful

You feel heavy and my mind is scrambled

I breathe in your pain, like shards to my heart

I’m dissipating right before your eyes,

Look, do you see?

Watch me fall apart, into the depths of your chaos, your beautiful chaos

As I breathe in the aroma of my cinnamon candle, my loud music reverberating off the walls, I drink of my sorrow. I am fully aware I am in main character mode. My pink lights are dimmed to a perfect hue. I smile as I bop my head and feet to the rhythm. I’m aware that the poison is slowly taking over. But I smile.

Your sharp teeth are tearing at my flesh and your touch burns. You feel like the sun, all consuming with a pull I can’t resist.

I chuckle as I sink deeper into my thoughts, my mind is a maze. I marvel at how much further I get lost.

I get up and begin to pace the length of my room, the scent of cinnamon strong now in the air. My hardwood floors cold beneath my feet. I want to throw my weight on the floor and just lay there, if only to spice things up. My mind is despair. I am in chaos.

You wish I could be like water and flow, permeable. Slowly searing my skin, your name imprinted all over. I keep clawing at my neck, like you’re an itch I want to scratch right away, to rip you from under my skin.

Anger envelops me as the music crescendos. How can your waves cause such havoc? How can you be the storm and the blindness. How can you be light and fear. I begin to spin melodically to the music and I fall even deeper, my smile grows wider. I can hear my heart beat race and pound harder as I spin faster. My pink lights become a blur and I become one with the atmosphere. I become one with chaos. And I become one with you.

Running Up That Hill (deal with God)